I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
