why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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