the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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