he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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