I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
