U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
