I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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