i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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