Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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