Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
