We won't sleep together?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They have beer where we have blood.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
