Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
