Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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