i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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