Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
