If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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