Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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