I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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