with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
