Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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