dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
