we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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