A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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