My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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