I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
