he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
