You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
