wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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