Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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