I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
