He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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