Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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