I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
