I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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