How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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