she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
