Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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