Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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