he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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