he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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