I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
