I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
