I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
