either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
