She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
