I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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