Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can I color on your dick again?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
