remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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