There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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