Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
