I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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