Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
