I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
