all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I still have a little drunk in my system
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
