Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
