mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
