Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
