oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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