Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
