I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
