he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
