We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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