omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
