I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
