he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
