my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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