You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
