can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
