Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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