Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
