my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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