he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
