you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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