hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
